


maybe i like the pain.

by fvckery



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Chan, Han - Freeform, Jeongin - Freeform, Lee Felix - Freeform, M/M, OH i need to tag the members, OR IS HE, Seo Changbin - Freeform, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, and felix is blind to it, and jisung is the supportive best friend, bang chan - Freeform, changbin, felix - Freeform, felix and hyunjin are dating, han jisung - Freeform, hwang hyunjin - Freeform, hyunjin, i don't know how to tag help, in this he seems to be ahaha, jisung - Freeform, jisung is hopelessly in love, k bye i think that's enough, kim seungmin - Freeform, kim woojin - Freeform, lee minho - Freeform, minho - Freeform, seungmin - Freeform, woojin - Freeform, yang jeongin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-20 22:14:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21289007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fvckery/pseuds/fvckery
Summary: no matter how much pain he was in, jisung couldn't stop being in love with felix
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	maybe i like the pain.

unrequited love was probably the most painful thing jisung had experienced. especially since it's been that way for five years.

five years of watching the one he loved fall for others. five years of being the supportive best friend whenever his love dated someone else. five years of comforting the one he wanted whenever his heart got broken. five years of loving lee felix and feeling nothing but pain.

that last bit was a lie. jisung was his happiest when with felix. he was his best friend after all, and fourteen other years of memories was not about to go down the drain just because he was in love. now, at nineteen, jisung continues to be happy when with felix and continues to make memories with him. however, that doesn't hide the searing pain he feels when he remembers that felix will never love him back. just like now.

"...he's just so perfect and wonderful to me, and i just want to show how much i love him sungie! i really think this was meant to be and i want him to know that! it’s just that, i don't know what to give him, so i came to you," felix gushes. his two years with hyunjin was coming up, and jisung couldn't have been in more agony. this was felix's longest relationship and from the perspective of anyone, it looked like they were perfect for each other. 

"ji? aren't you going to say something?" jisung snaps out of his trance and sees felix staring at him. he quickly puts on a smile and thinks of a response.

"maybe a dance? you are both dancers so maybe something that shows him your passion would work," he says, silently wishing that felix would like the idea and move on from the topic.

"that’s sweet, but i don't have any good music to dance to right now, not without reusing old tracks," felix pauses, thinking, "could you... make me a track? if it's not too much work, of course!

jisung stares at him, him and his bright, shiny eyes. there was no way jisung could let himself disappoint felix. 

"yeah, sure. it's no problem lix."

felix's eyes somehow begin to sparkle, like a happy anime character, and he thanks him, before asking if jisung would like to play mario kart with him. all jisung gives is a nod and felix bounds away to start it up, much to jisung's relief. after he was out of sight, jisung falls back onto the bed, sighing.

"why do i let myself go through this," he whispers to himself. he thinks about the countless times chan and woojin had told him to just give up and move on and the times where seungmin and jeongin said to wait it out and see if felix would eventually fall for him too. he thinks about how changbin and minho had become his support system, always there to say both of those things, yet comfort him about hyunjin, even though he didn't really need it. unlike felix's past partners, hyunjin and jisung were close, having been forced to be friends by their parents as kids. it was because of jisung that hyunjin had met felix in the first place, which was something that jisung thought about often. if he had never introduced the two, would he be in this place now?

jisung shook his head trying to get rid of the thought. felix was happy and so, he should be too. after a long time, felix was in a healthy and loving relationship and jisung should be proud of himself for having them meet. yeah, he should be proud of himself...

"jisung! the game's all set up, come on!" felix yelled from the living room.

"alright," jisung got up, pausing to look at the string of polaroids on felix's wall, specifically the picture of him and hyunjin. felix was smiling his sunshine smile and hyunjin was looking at him like he held his whole world in it. ' _ they're so in love _ ,' jisung thought, ' _ so in love and yet i'm still here, waiting for my chance that'll never come. _ '

he walked out and sat next to felix in front of the tv. felix looked at him smiling and jisung's heart flipped, forgetting for a second that felix wasn't his. after he had turned back, jisung remembered and felt his heart shatter all over again. and yet, he still moved closer, beginning to tease felix for choosing a crappy character, causing him to pout. and that was when jisung realized something. maybe, just maybe, he liked the pain.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! this is my first fic on ao3 and i broke my own heart with it but that's fine lmao i hope it wasn’t bad and that you enjoyed <3


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